Monday, August 31, 2009

I hate myself

Finally , my LD learning journal submitted.
I never been this late to do and submit my assignment.
My efficiency seriously drop tremendously.
Today's presentation seriously a flop!
I was very thirsty when I was presenting.
Fasting month make thing worst.
My mouth and throat was very dried just now.
I feel very feel ashamed of myself.
apart from that, I don't see any improvement in my presentation skills at all!
No confidence at all.
right after the presentation I wish I am an ostrich. So I can hide my head underground... uhuhuhuh..
I hate myself for that.
I am still trying to figure out on what had happened to me.

My schedule was very pack this week.
Individual IB assignment coming up to due date next week.
Then next group assignment the next week.
Same time, I need to study on the products knowledge.
This is extremely important.

I feel very tired....
I am uncertain towards my future.... is it really going to be good, bad or whatTTTTTTT????

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Busy 7 days

I am seriously exhausted these few weeks.
But this week really challenge my strength.
My workload at work no doubt very hectic with short handed of side kick!

My future plan and on going process also killing me.
Its better if this killing me rather than my existing work kiling me. At least I feel more better!
Advertorial I posted on last Thursday received very good response.
I receive emails, phone call and doing presentation to convince people to sign up ,make me tense.
From Monday to Sunday I am working!

But I enjoy doing this and I am getting more and more familiarise to present!
I know I can build up my networking fast.
Target 2 branches every month and will cool down once it reach 16.
Long way to go honey! long way!

I had not even started with my LD individual assignment - due date this Sunday. uhuhuhuhuhu..
This coming week my IB class starting and yet another presentation coming up on this Sunday.

I manage to squeeze time for long delay acupuncture to my dislocate jaw or what so ever and as far as I am concern the kluk klak sound on my jaw everytime I open my mouth really disturbing and hurt.
A friend brought me to see this Master Lim who operated at back room of a Sundry shop somewhere at Taman Muda , Ampang. Hell! if you ask me to go there again by myself I wouldn't find the place.. hehehe as usual me and my lost world!
Not so convince.. but don't mind to give a try.
This Master graduated from Shandung , Taiwan.

He basically ask me lie down and poke 2 needles onto my side of face ..feel like somebody pinch you though! ya the point near to my jaw. Then later leave me there for 2 minutes and came back with another smokey thingy, look like an incent to me and practically place onto the needle that he poked just now and this incent practicall still heavily smoking.
This thing suppose to give you warm and calm feeling and make nerve feel better.
Imagine you are lying with face a lil bit at side with 2 needles sticking out from your face and incent burning right on top....mmmmmm not that calming to me but suffocating!

However , after almost 20 minutes the Master came and took out the needles... then he pressed and massage my jaw and then ask me to try open my mouth slowly and close again.
No more kluk klak even my allignment not ' senget' again.
How much it cost ? RM20 for 2 needles...uhuhuhuhuh wow.. i will visit him again
I need follow up treatment.
But just now when I munching my food it kluk klak again aiyoh!!!
But allignment still good but it just hurt.
My body is bloody aching right now too...

Ah! seriously this is one heavy maintainance body!'

I guess my LD assignment need one day to focus on... I will think of a plan to concentrate on this.

Friday, August 21, 2009

I can see the light

Today, I woke up with positive mood.
Last night I was studying the products by hard.
Trying my best to perfect my sales pitch!
I have been practicing in front of the mirror with hope I could control my expression well.

My advertorial seems to be getting good response.
I had received many inquiries via email, phone call, and sms.
Tomorrow another busy day I manage to get 3 potential to listen to my presentation face to face.The rest due very far distance just need to settle via email and phone calls.
Cross my finger hopefully, I get 1 BO from Brunei sign up under me.
My plan is to get at least 2 BOs sign up under me in a month.
Hopefully , my dream to open the retail shop comes true by end of this year.
I need to tripple my effort to achieve this.

Tonight I need to finish up my LD individual assignment.
I guess need to burn the midnight oil.. or maybe not sleeping to finish this thing!

Although I feel very tired and exhausted but I have to do this to make sure my life better in future. My workload getting more and more . I need to manage the sky high perfectionist expectation of 'you know what'. Seriously all this thing , fire me up to work harder for my next plan.

Hopefully BYE BYE TO YOU by end of year!!!!! - to 'you know what'

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Between Study and Work

These few days, my life is upside down...
I am in between of study for my next class.
Then I need to do my assignments.
My workload become tripple and end of the month coming up!

The most important in the world at this time is to study for my next interview and do THE BEST BUSINESS PROPOSAL.
This is for my future.
I only have one chance...

I have to work for this. I have to make sure I do my VERY VERY BEST!

I feel not enough time for myself right now!
Hopefully this is a worth it sacrifice!

Although I feel very tired but I have no choice to force myself.

Dinner for tonight?
Whatelse? feel like eating maggie but have to stick with my diet no dinner.
JUST PLAIN WARM WATER uwaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

I need to loose weight, badly!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I want to loose weight

I am desprately want to loose my weight!
I tried do sit up until my tummy cramped.
I ate NH DTox slim pill.
I taken many many or whatever said can loose weight but yet my tummy still bloated.
What happen to me?
I am not like this last time.
It can't be because I grow old?
I feel heavy and not healthy at all.
Whenever I wear my clothing , I feel so so bulky like a sack of rice or wheat!

Tempting to go for slimming centre but it is too expensive for me.
Somemore now I am on heavy thrifty crisis for my up coming business plan.
Argh! want to look good but yet still ugly!
I feel so lack of confident right now!
Hope can loose some 2 kg with my new regime which I just started last week.

I feel so tired right now.
Can't even open a book to do some readings!

I am not in the mood

One of my staff just resigned last Friday.
My girl fall sick and not just sick maybe more than sick.. ah ! donno what I am talking mumbling about.
Leaving me with one intern and one trainee.
Luckily , I have one intern to give me a hand.

This afternoon when that fella were talking about changing the company name and also change his mind on his current 3 years company's name.
I was like want to laugh loudly to his face...

You can have thousands company.
You can rent more or buy more office.
But hey! who wants to work for you????
People keep leaving you!!!!
Wake up!!!

This evening I just gave my peace of mind to one lady... ah ! this people really make me boiling!!!

My feeling right now is to open the window and jump from 12th floor!!!!

Angry! very very angry and upset!

Monday, August 17, 2009

I am not impress

I met a friend last week and she were saying that she is getting married end of this year.
Whoa! finally...
Same age with me.
We used to be sharing same dorm when I was form One.
Yup! I was sent to boarding when I was 13 years old.
But they withdraw me from the school because my study was so bad to extreme meaning I practically get '0' for my maths and '30' for my English.
Hahahaha.. they just freak out when received my report card.
I enjoyed to see their face at that time.

Oh ya.. back to my 'so called' friend.
Basically we are not friend.
To be exact she is see me as a threat.
mmmm why!
Not really sure though.

I was in my own world as usual and my life practically to myself.
I don't really socialise.
No friends.
I don't really talk to people.
They talk to me I talk to them but most of the time few words will do.
Yup! I am a loner since then.

She practically.. a 'PLAYER' not that pretty but sweet looking girl.
She had changed her boyfriend like every 2 months once.
But one thing I don't like about her she just love to pick on me.
From the start to the end I remember her.

Unfortunately, we are sharing the same double decker bed. Yeah! mine on top and she is beneath me.
Same goes to our locker.
I really hate her because she love to use other people thing without even asking.
She practically used whatever she like and treat it like hers.
I even experienced woke up and don't have any uniform to go to class.
End up have to pretend sick just because I have no uniform.
Thick face and horrible beast to me.
She just love to pick up on me at that time.
I am practically spend my time crying over it.

That was another reason I failed badly for my last semester just to make them get me out of that hell.

Well , she still remember after so long. We don't even talk to each other I left that school 22 years ago.
She still a player but when she told me she is getting married and becoming one Dato' 3rd wife.
mmmm .... I don't feel impress at all...

3rd wife? I mean 3rd place?
What a looser!!!!

Ah! I feel much more better with my life right now!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Its Friday

Its Friday... trying to put up my high spirit in place.
Try to dress well, put up more and more make up with hoping I can change my face to Megan Fox or Maggie Q or something ahahahaha yeah! in my sweetest dream.
No matter how well I dress and how pretty is my make up , I am still plain fat RINA! sigh!!!!!

Yes! I am still unstable this few days.
One of our employee is leaving AGAIN!
Another farewell to plan.. hate this!
My responsibility increases by at least 300% more.
I feel numb numb numb...

With new office set up coming in , I don't know how to arrange my time to do my work.
I smells trouble and trouble.
Pepole say we need to stay positive and open mind.
But in this case , I feel my positiveness and my strong self motivated attitude comes toward an end.

I will SURVIVE!!! I guess....

I am waiting for my Prince to save me but still can't see him... where the hell are you???
I will only wait for you until next then i will shut my door.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Now I realise

Looking at this photo , now I realise I am very fat and short. Look a lil bit like mushroom though!
How can I make myself taller at this age?
How can I reduce at least another 7 kg?
Hard to acieve for time being and I have thousand reasons in store... hhihihih

Trying hard to start out my learning journal for my LD individual assignment... loose the point though.
I identified 3 assessment tools and completed only 2 assessment while watching my Goo Jun Pyo again... mmmmm just in love with that character so much and I wish I am Geum Jan Di the love interest on f Jun Pyon in the series.

How I wish this become reality!!!!

Yeah ! going to bed soon it 12.00 midnight. Tomorrow need go to work...

Continue my assignment tommorrow le...

Thank God ! I have done my portion of Group Assignment for LD.
Let them settle their part and hopefully can get final draft by Friday.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Here goes another one

Woke up with bad swollen throat!
Not a flue a cough or even a fever but just swollen and painful throat.
As usual went to office trying to keep my spirit motivated , until....

My Snr Accounts Exec slapped me with his resignation letter...
Ah! expected.. but not so soon though.. I broke down deep in my heart but lucky still maintain my composure..
Damn it!
When I am strategising to walk away here goes block here and there...
Now it will be back to more burden..
Now I feel so helpless..
Life seriously not so easy for me.
Every single sen I earned its like getting a coin out from volcano mountain.

Seriously , deep in my heart I feel more and more sick!
However, I take it as another challenge and this motivate me to move on from here soonest possible.

On the way back pay a visit to Doctor. as expected got myself antibiotic and another tablet don't really know for what just swallow it all!
My mind just blank.

I didn't take my lunch. Why? Whatelse? work and work like a slave to that man!
I just can't stop anywhere to by dinner.
Reached home don't even have energy to cook an omelette for myself.

End up staring at my suppose to be favourite series NCIS.
Hell! don't know whats happening.
My mind just cannot process anymore.
Suppose to start my journal for LD assignment but can't think at all.
I may go to bed early tonight!

God Help me please!
If I have been a bad girl this few months or years or days, please forgive me!
Please let me get out from this place safely and peacefully!
I beg you for that!

I am one very highly self motivated person but to what extend I can maintain my positiveness spirit????

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Lying Naked

Wake up in the morning with a sore throat.
Thank God ! I still have my voice because I am suppose to present this morning.
Ah! feeling lazy to drive to class and lend my ears to LD lecture for almost 9 hours..
Sigh! I am so suffering.. I think so does my other coursemate hihihi..

Nervous breakdown and butterflies in my stomache waiting for my turn to present ,Not so obvious this time. Although , few of my coursemate commented I talk like a soldier..aishhh! what you expect? I just wanted to get over it and quickly and ran back to my place. My whole body was shivering... hehehehe yeah! that one cannot help it!

Right after class I went for a pampering moment... yeah! naughty me again.. but this time apart from just having rejuvenate Thai Massage, I add in Body Scrub and Boreh Mask package. Yeah! cost me a bomb and look like need to 'Puasa' for 2 weeks hahaha... I don't mind though! I just love the feeling so good and satisfying! Hard earn money... I need that pampering..

Oh ya! talking about Body Scrub, at first I feel a bit awkward to take this package. Why?
One of requirement ,I need to get naked , exposed my body with just a thong!!!! Me? Naked ? in front of stranger? Sharks! Never done that in mylife! yeah! may be when I small but hey that was when I am small girl and still adorable!
I am shy and shy and shy le..
Don't like the idea being lying there naked and other people see my body.
Take me almost 1 month to build up my courage to actually dare myself to do this.

After the One Hour Thai Massage, the lady lead me to another room and request me to take off my Thai Massage Uniform. I feel a bit hesitated but aiyah! what the heck, she's a lady not a man.
She is not going to rape me or something.
Maybe she will molest me a bit ahahahaha...
I keep saying that to myself... yeah! again trying to be funny to actually cover up my nervousness.
I requested the light to be as dim and possible until the lady said to me ' Mam! I can't see your body and I need to apply the scrub on your body'
Ah! I get it I am not that fair.. hihihih..

Alright! alright! I surrender my body to you... do whatever you want... hihihihi

I just close my eyes and lying there nervous and surrender myself to her to explore my body.
Good feeling though!

Then the lady said to me ' Mam! could you please relax.. I can feel your body is stiff or are you cold?'
Relax? hell how could I do that ya??? I am one nervous lady le... relax is not in my dictonary.
Cold ? yeah man! I am freezing here ...

The scrub session really did the detoxification well coz I can feel the heat of the Ginger and fresh sense of avocado.

I feel rejuvenate and fresh! Driving home happy and satisfied!

Yeah! I have to make sure I score in my LD this time.
Received a Distinction in my LMP is an achievement for me and hope could at least repeat that in my LD since other 3 coming subject is quite challenging for me.

My throat getting worst though!
I think its swollen!
mmm need to drink more warm water and tomorrow need to visit pharmacist for lozenges or something!

Friday, August 7, 2009

No pain no Gain

My mood swing getting bad and bad, partly because I am too exhausted these few weeks.

Not enough rest and sleep!

My freaking client ' so called my employer' drive me nuts! Yeah! I treat all my employers like my client. I am so called providing services to them and they will pay me for my services.

I have been putting up with this one for almost 3 years. I want to end my services soonest possible. By hook or by crook I need to find my way out from this place. I am telling myself over and over again , I will push myself harder and harder to make this happen.

Not simply exit from this place but also prepare myself for good future.
I have plan and in the midst of expidite this plan but I have to expect my life will be like hell this few months. Hopefully everyting will be in place by Christmas this year.
I have to sacrifice many things from now on...

Life getting harder when you are determined to achieve something!
No pain no Gain.. I will marked this phrase... i will paste this phrase everywhere in my house.

I know I can do it!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Entertainment for D Day

I just reached home when my phone rang.
I answered the call and one lady start scolding me.
She were saying my telephone number in her husband phone and she read all those romantically sms between her husband and so called 'me'.
I tried to stop her attack but she dont even give me a chance to interrupt.
sigh! I just want to ask what number is she dialing. Thats all!
She keep shouting me slut! whore! and on an on and on...
I can just hang up the call but I pity her so angry like mad person and afraid she kill herself right after I hang up.
So I just kept quiete and listen to her for almost 5 minutes accusation on so called 'me'.
She then realised the silenceness on my end.
Then she start " hello hello are you listening to me WHORE!"
I replied "Yeah! I am listening! Go on..."
The she said " You bitch!" di di da da di da... and on and on..
Then I asked her " Hi lady! what number are you trying to call? and who is the person you looking for?"
Silence for a moment " Are you Carol Lai? and is this 016 XXXXXX"she asked
Then I answered " Nope! , Hi lady please don't be so angry and calm down. Get yourself another man before you get high blood pressure! Chill out he is not the only man in this world! Go out and find another like he did! Have a nice day and Good Night!"
Then I put down the phone and proceed to bathroom for nice warm shower!
What a DRAMA!

On the way there

Since last weekend , my spirit getting 'fire up'!
I know I can do it this time.
I hope it will work this time.

I am preparing myself for the interview which is hopefully happen somewhere on mid Sep 2009.
If everything fine, I will be busy busy busy for the store opening before Christmas or New Year 2010!

Currently, I am busy studying on product and system - prepare myself with good presentation on mid Sep 2009. I don't want this to be a normal interview. I want it to be remembered for somebody who are well prepared and high potential. I want to be outstanding!

This week is my new term and class coming up - its tomorrow actually. Leadership Dynamic!
Still in the dark no sign of grouping arrangement yet. I read the study guide there will be more and more presentation coming up! ah.. butterflies in my tummy again..

Hopefully can finish my MBA + one Store to manage by end of this year.

Monday, August 3, 2009

another Lost

Last weekend, is a hectic weekend for me.
I am suppose to chill out and relax on this weekend as coming week which is this week, my new term starting.
I feel very exhausted though.
Last Saturday night , received a call and saying somebody that I use to be attached with when I am small was not in good condition. Old age sickness!
She used to take care of me when I am a lil girl.

I am hesitating between my 1st time acupuncture treatment for my jaw or going back to see her may be for the last time. However, I am glad that I went back and true enough its for the last time. 4 hours journey and reached there at late hours , 2.00am is worth it!

9.00am , I went to see her, she were lying on the bed ,paraliysed as if she in coma. I realise at that moment some part of her body, already dead. Her 2 feet and face were cold and her heart beat were very fast. She is waiting for God to take her soul.
Heart broken and sad to see this kind of condition. I just trying my best to remain calm although my heart crying hard!
Recite 'Yassin' and pray beside her and on and off I will touch her head and body and once in a while I will whisper to her ears to let her know I am beside her. I am so sad and hope she leave in peace.

Its hard for me to leave her in that condition. However, life must go on. The one need to leave need to leave in peace. The one still alive hopefully live in peace.

On the way back to KL around 5.30pm, received another called, God took her soul and today the burial service after afternoon prayer!

After 6 years suffer bedridden, she is gone now!
Her sons and daughters must be very relieved for her departure since their mother is always a burden to them. (Very sad to think about this!)

I pray for your soul and rest in peace with your love ones on the other side! Amen....

I am thankful to God to give me this chance to meet her for the last time.
Although, I feel extremely tired right now but I feel I am blessed to be given this chance as I don't get any last time.

Another lost this year and hope not another coming up....

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Road Blocks everywhere

Yesterday I was stucked in traffic jam as early as 6.30am at Jalan Seputeh leading towards Federal Highway. I was furious when I finally got to know it was only few police standing by the road side guarding the blocks. They did nothing , basically standing there and enjoy the scene of drivers squeezing into smaller road. Nothing much that we can say as we just merely normal citizen! I believe everybody was very frustrated as most of us are heading to works as usual.

Evening time, as my office located with viewing towards sprint highway and damansara road, traffic started as early as 5pm. Damn! everybody was so frustrated again. End up went for mamak stall dinner with girlfriends.

This morning , I woke up as early as 6.30am to ensure I can escape the jam . Yeah! today is important day for me. I need to go collect my new term study books. Class is next week.
Most people warned me not to go as I will be stucked in road blocks jam again!
I bought that thought for a second. But after deep thinking then I just follow my guts feeling to go ahead and start my journey to mont kiara.

Traffic quiet smooth though. However, traffic at office direction at stand still. I was driving and at same time cracking out my head on which road should I use later on. Finally, made a decision to use LDP/ Puchong way to escape the blocks. Yes!! all opposite direction towards KL or City Centre was at stand still just now.

Manage to reach home by 11.30am as my planned.

Later on, I am heading towards Bandar Mahkota Cheras to meet somebody.
Yes ! as I mentioned just now, today is very important for me.
I am making a big big decision to change my life and destiny.
I am very determined this is the choice that I am going to make.
I want to get out from this plateau life of mine now...
I need to move on and find another challenge to make my life exciting and change my destiny and way to success in life!

I will go ahead with my plan although many will objects to my daring coming BIG commitment.

I failed once 6 years ago. I know how it feel. I know how it hurts me!
I stand back to my feet and maintain low and keep on learning.
Now, I feel I am ready and prepared to rise again and vow not repeat the same mistake again .

My life will change tremendously from now on.

I prepared to face this challenge....