Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Frust, Sick and Relax

I can't upload my photos for few weeks to my blog.
I feel very upset because of this.
Everytime I tried to upload, it will hang halfway through.
Arggghhhh!!! so sick!
I have my photo having breakfast with my friends @ Oldtown, JayaOne, eating Ramen at Korean Restaurant, Floria 2010 @ Putrajaya, Papa Rich Dimsum breakfast and also my July 2010 Size S,M&L gathering at Pavillion.
So not happy because I can't store all this moment to my online diary.
How if I die before even have time to upload this special moment in mylife???
Oh No!!!!!
Yeah! me with my drama again....
What happen to me after keeping mum for few weeks?
How is my work???
Hate it to even think about it?
As mentioned earlier, as for work I am just let my destiny brings me to the next stop.
I will not strive anymore.
I am just going to let thing happen.
Maybe I feel tired!
I did not stop striving for the past 20 years!
I guess I feel down for a while.
Last Saturday end up having my breakfast,lunch at Golden Triangle area.
Then I off to Tropicana Office tower for CIMB Securities seminar.
Well just lend my ears to these speakers talk about online stocks.
Interesting! of course they gave some speculations but hey!!! nothing new we had speculated on this same stocks during our MBA. So??? I left during last half of the talk and end up eating at subway and watched movies at nearest cinema!!!! hehehehe BAD GIRL!!!
Today I am on half day MC.
This is very unusual for me.
I feel nausea about 11.00am then my eyes feel hard to open.
I went to see doctor and were saying my blood is low and not enough blood and oxygen to my brain. He gave me my few tablets and here we go tablets everyday!
Maybe God is gonna call me up soon....
I am not that person who know the word relax.
Instead of sleeping or resting during MC, I end up browsing through AirAsia.com for air tickets.
I did some research on China.
I am thinking to go Tianjin or Guilin or Taiwan this Sept.
Anyway, let me think thouroughly.
Using my old time reserve for trip is not wise.
But at 1st place why do I not reserve for trip???
Foolish me!!!
Ah! should I go or not go???
My heart really wanna go for silk road adventure but need to take to many days leave. aissshhh!!!! I am dilemma...

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Lost in myself

Questions and statements that I hate the most for these 2 months.
1. How are you doing?
2. So.. you new job better than previous?
3. No more working late hours ha?
4. Look like your earning is better than previous.
5. No more lecture and nagging?
6. Easy job ha this time?
7. You are doing high level job since you earn your Master?
and many more to list.

In real fact, I am currently lost my direction in life.
I am now like the brown leaf drop into the river and let the current to drag me to places which I don't even know where is my next stop.

All these years, since I was 16 years old, I am trying hard to change my luck and my fate. I see drastic changes in my life. But I still find living my life is the most difficult thing to do right now!

I would not talk about death, because that means no turning back point. So hopefully I am still strong enough and face the challenge in being a sole survivor.

The only motivation left for me is ' My life is difficult but many others is facing worst life than me'.

I am thinking of taking leave to relax my mind and focus to what I want to achieve but since this is new job a bit difficult.
Let me just give my best shot within these 6 months and change my turning point right after.

I have many photos in my camera but I just don't feel like uploading because I just not in the mood.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Love them Hate them Love them Hate them

Situation 1

Me : Why do you think you deserve this much of salary?
Candidate : Oh! my husband said I am good!

(Aisshhh!!!! why suddenly your husband come into the picture? I am confuse!!!! helpppp!!!!)

Situation 2

Me : Why do you ask for very high salary?
Candidate : I have many commitment...my credit card bills , my baby sitter bills, my car loan , my house rent and bla bla bla...

(Go on go on... I am listening.. I am charging 20% per annum daily compunded. Please fill in this form)

Situation 3

Me : Please list down 3 strengths...
Candidate : 1. Talk strong 2.Work strong 3. Listen strong
I am almost burst out my laughter
Me : How about your weakness? Name me one...
Candidate : Headache

(Aishhhhhh... like that also can... I almost go crazy.... )

Situation 4

Me : What is your hobbies?
Candidate : Listen to music.
Me : what kind of music?
Candidate : Lady Gaga!!!! you know that Poker face singer???

(Aish!!!! poke your eyes then you know.... )

Situation 5

Me : One of your hobbies says you love reading. What kind of reading material?
Candidate : My diary le....

(Ar??? me completely blur with her answer...)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

My Graduation Day

Today is my unplanned Graduation Day!!!
I never thought of going since I had received my parchment and spending money to be up on stage with that nervous feeling will kill me.
Anyway, my friend keep telling me , I will not have this chance anymore unless I continue with Doctorate. Ah! make sense after Master will be Doctorate.
Doctorate??? OMG!!!! I don't want this now.
I want to earn money, save money and retire in style.
Earn flat money? Yes!
Save money ? Not yet!
Retire in style???? Ohhhhhh!!!! looking at my situation now may be I can't even think about retiring.... uwwwaaaaa...
Here goes ,my will be last convocation???

I am planning to migrate soon! soooooooo.... I need to work extra tripple hard from now on...

Oh! by the way... my leave was not approved... so I am actually skip work for my convo... whatever... I don't give a damn...
No flower , no bear for my convo? ah... nope..
Any supporter for my convo?? ah nope..
But I got myself unskilled photographer though...Thank you Thank you...for your time!
So is this mean we are going out now??? wink wink like sailormoon...hihihihihi

Here goes the photos....

from left : May, Rina, Cindy

from left : Rina, seriously I can't remember his name, May,Kenny,Cindy

As usual my Camwhore

then ..another..

and another

and another...

University of South Australia....and its over hope to get better opportunity , better future better life

Monday, July 5, 2010

I leave my fate to you

When you are just a human... you have your limitation in many things.
Last Friday is the down time for me and up to today I am still feeling down...hopeless..helpless... worried... sad...uncertainty...
Nobody to turn to.
Suck in everything to myself and my body feel numb, my chest feel suffocated and my head feel heavy.
What should I do?
How long more you want to put me on your test?
Is this what my life suppose to be?
When ppl said every ppl fate is written up there and decided... is it really true???
Then, why should we bother to work anymore?
I should just leave it to you and wait for the outcome?
Is that what I should do?
I know I am lucky in a way for having a good life but I feel difficult to maintain everything.
I am worried about my future...
I dont know what to do now... feeling lost in direction.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Sad or Disgusting

Yesterday evening while walking towards my gym at Menara Maxis, a Malay couple with their lil toddler was walking in front of me.What attract my attention to this couple is their lil toddler was walking bare foot. mmmmm.... her parent was very selfish to my thought. Both of them know how to protect their feet but they are very ignorance about the lil one.
Then the wife turn to her back and asked her husband.
"Dear! have you seen our other child?"
OMG!!!! (Usher new song style) like that also can ar????
Malaysia sangat sangat boleh!!!!!
The best thing is the husband replied.
" Let him be le!!!!!"

Arrrrrr???? My jaw drop to hear the reply.
Then this couple and bare foot lil toddler walk ahead without even stop by and curious about their other kid whereabouts.

I am very amaze with such thinking from a 'so called parent'.

This morning while having my morning Yong Tau Foo AGAIN... I read this news about a woman won RM1.4million suit again Gombak Police. The suit was since 1999 for the death of her husband whom involve in drugs and died while in police custody. She is now can enjoy the downfall with her 2 teenage sons.
Thinking about this again.... make me wonder....they deserve such compensation???? ooooppppsss I don't want to risk my blog by making another statement or else.

There are many cases around us and see how other people enjoyment can be other people burden. Imagine that a couple fall in love got married. Make love all night long with full of satisfaction like the whole world is theirs alone. Make one baby, another bay, then another baby then another baby then another then another more and more....
Did any of them while doing it occur to their mind on the cost of bringing these new life to the world????
We heard in the news, on sad story people live in the shoddy van with 7 kids eating snails and so on and on and on....

This thought always come to my mind. Well, is it my problem?????
How should I feel?
Sad or disgusting?

As a single lady surviving in this big city alone fighting hard for my survival, where I am now is from my hard work. I feel unfair to be sad for such news or story.

People can call me cold hearted! But the truth is my life experience surviving alone in this big city for 16 years without help from the government really make me who I am now! From nothing living like a nomad , sleep on the floor with just a piece of cloth as my bed ,eating instant noodle 1 pack a day and wake up 4.30am just to get the 1st bus in the morning to work and walk 3km daily just to reach work place. Travel from one flea market to another one to sell peanuts just to pay my rent and buy some food. Most of the time face difficult and ridiculous bosses who always make me cry my heart out .

So???? as a person who has gone through all these hardship, I am seriously have a mix feeling on how should I feel?