Tuesday, December 8, 2020

Preparing Myself To Say Goodbye


While writing this, I am in a serious crisis. The crisis that I am facing is about my own relocation. I have handled a few office relocations successfully. Why does handling my own relocation kind of difficult? Guess its because I have to make a proposal to myself and then make my own decision. Making a decision is kind of hard! Why? I am afraid of making the wrong one!

I have been living here for many years now. Moreover, it has been more than 15 years here. For that long, it has been in a familiar environment and atmosphere. Most of the personal belonging has a sentimental value and sense of attachment to it. I am one person who unable to 'let go' things easily. (**sad**). I started my life here with just a basket of books and luggage of clothing. Then slowly, I bought a thin mattress. Then from thin mattress to the ticker one and then upgraded to a King size bed with a good mattress. I don't even have a table to study and eat. So I use a corrugated box as a table. Chair? Sofa? TV? No. I don't have that after 5 years living at this place. I remember cooking my meal in a rice cooker during my first 6 years of staying here. Everything from scratch when I started my life at this place.

The plan is, to move out as minimum possible. Reason? I may have another day or  5 or 10 or 20 or 30 years more to live.  Since I will be alone in and no one with me, I decided not to leave my rubbish to others if God calling reach me. I don't want to trouble the living ones with my belongings. My precious items maybe trash for others. So, why burden others with this kind of liabilities. I would rather receive a compliment than a curse when I leave this world.

Since there are many things...I really don't know where to begin and how to start this. Currently, trying to get rid of my previous years' bank statements and receipts. Shredding off the papers (since there sensitive information on it) with my bare hand...hurts! I was thinking about purchasing a shredder machine, but I will end up with more things if I did that, right? I listed some books for sales at shopee. It will take time but if no one purchases my clearance items, I will just donate it. Making money out of these items are my priority since I am not really sure when to get a new job.

I have many bittersweet memories with this place. The environment doesn't suit me anymore. I am facing noises such as the people upstairs who just move in with many kids. Kids running wild every day and I just couldn't stand them. A group of people who have been loitering around below my unit starting 11pm until 3 to 4 am every day. No matter how many times, I complained or even call the management and even to the police. They are still there like stubborn dirt which no way, I can remove this stain. Rather than I build up my sins every day by praying hard for these people to fall sick and die faster, it's better for me to move away. I will just take another path and avoid all this sickening and selfish people whom, I believe they don't have a choice like mine.  I took this as a sign from above. I need a new place and a new environment. Life needs to change.

My target to move out by next year April latest. Many things to do for now. I just need to brave myself and handle this, since this is my first time after many years. Wish me luck!